Navigating the Evolution of Identity: Embracing Change While Having Kids and Building Businesses

Change is inevitable, but nothing shifts your identity quite like having kids. And when you have three babies in less than two years—with another on the way—the word “change” takes on a whole new meaning.

I’ll be honest: I don’t fully know who I am anymore, and that feels scary. I know who I want to be, and I’m taking intentional steps to get there, but this year has been a gut punch. I’ve learned the hard truth that I can’t be great at everything all at once. The person I want to be takes time to grow into, and even though I’ve identified her, the road there isn’t as clear-cut or easy as I hoped.

For a while, I thought the hardest part would be figuring out who I am now that I’m not the person I was before kids. That season was rough—I battled so many expectations, both real and imagined, about who I “should” be. I thought that once I pinpointed the future me I want to embody, it would all click into place. Spoiler: it hasn’t. Instead, it feels like I’m starting over from scratch.

I worked so hard to become the person I was before kids. That version of me was confident, focused, and determined. But now I’m in a rebuilding phase, taking the strengths of who I was and trying to craft a “new and improved” version of myself. The catch? The new and improved version has a lot of kinks to work out. It’s not a straight line from who I was to the person I envision.

Right now, I’m a mom regulating hormones from two pregnancies while navigating a third (spoiler again: pregnancy hormones don’t exactly “regulate”). I’m passionate—sometimes intensely so—and those hormonal spikes and dips only amplify my emotions. Add to that the chaos of newborn life, breastfeeding, toddler meltdowns, family dynamics, relationship maintenance, business growth and struggles, friendships, and everyday responsibilities. It’s…a lot. A lot of emotions, a lot of challenges, a lot of missteps, and a lot of pressure.

When I talk about all this, I usually focus on the steps I’m taking toward becoming the person I want to be. It’s easier to highlight the aspirational version of myself than the messy in-between. But lately, I’m wondering if I’ve been skipping over the part that people need to hear most—the failures, the setbacks, the raw, unpolished truth of what it’s like to rebuild your identity when life feels overwhelming.

Because here’s the thing: the steps I’m taking are important. They represent growth, intentionality, and hope. But they’re not the whole story. The story is also the sleepless nights, the tears of frustration, the moments where I feel like I’m failing at everything. The story is that becoming the best version of yourself doesn’t happen overnight, and it definitely doesn’t happen without a few meltdowns (mine or the toddlers’).

So here I am, trying to lean into this messy middle. The challenges I’m facing aren’t detours—they’re part of the journey. Every day, I’m learning to give myself grace, to embrace the chaos, and to take small steps forward. The person I want to be is still there, waiting for me, but she’s also living through this very season, learning and growing in the midst of it all.

If you’re feeling lost or overwhelmed, just know you’re not alone. Let’s stop pretending the path to self-discovery is a straight shot and start embracing the reality that it’s messy, unpredictable, and—ultimately—so worth it.